I was just on bed when i thought that i shouldnt sleep without posting this in the blog.

7ayete i really miss u .. and it makes me feel so bad that whenever there is "time" distance between us, things HAVE to go bad.

I dont know why that day you started saying that i dont care about u anymore, I really felt SO bad when u said that, not from you, but from myself. I started thinking .. i love you more than i even love myself ... i care of u more than i care for myself, and i want to make you happy diregarding if i am happy or not .. how come after all this i get that "compliment?!" .. am i missing something, is there something wrong i am doing. We all do wrong things, and i'm not an angel, neither i am god.

ok i forgot that you had a driving test .. i felt bad cuz i did. bas inno did it really deserve all that? all the love between us gets shaked simply because i forgot something simple? Well of course even when u got sad because of that, it showed me nothing but the amount of the love you have towards me ... i mean seeing you bohered that i didnt remember it, makes me feel good that you want me always by your side. And i am .. and i will always be.

i had to block you that day, because i really felt bad, and i thought that u are having one of those moments which always happen every couple of months, I used to bare those moments, but while im this far from you, i really cant bare them, because they'll make me so stressed and they'll also make me so worried about you.

I thought that by telling you that i blocked you i'll be an honest person, and that u'll appreciate my honesty, but it seems that one cant be honest about certain things. I always wanted to be as transparent with you as possible .. i never want to hide anything from you .. i want you to trust me to death, and this is why i tell you all what i think and all what i do. ANd guess what .. i'll still be honest in everything, because i belive that this is the only way a relationship can work, maybe it creates some problems sometimes, but at least it ensures an honest relationship.  Better than getting that fake happinness which comes from hiding things from eachother ..  imean i can do lots of things than will bother you and not tell you. i'll be happy .. u'll be happy.. but is that how it should go? i dont belive in that at all.

I love you soo much 7ayete .. and i want you to know that i care about u more than i care about any single person on this earth .. including me .. but i get bothered that every few months i have to hear this story about "you dont love me .. you dont care about me, what will happen when you start working!" .. i'm sure there is something which is causing this .. especially that in other times you shower me with the"i love you, ow thanks for making me happy ow thanks for thinking and caring with me every moment" ... guess which ones i belive? i belive the second ones! But when you say the first ones, which i never belive, i start thinking a lot about why are you saying them ... because i know for a fact that my care to you is above all imagination, and you know that.

and by the way .. this is the second or third time you say "iza halla2 stressed, keef when you start work" ... come on Rasha ... inno then moment you say this sentence i know that there is something wrong going on. Inno akid u dont want me to sit at home doing nothing simply because the job is stressful. Akid i would love to sit by your side every moment, but i think further than that .. i think that i need to work to be able to collect money so we can live a happy life and make our own small family nshalla. 7ayete encourage me instead of saying those things .. ya3ni honestly, and i swear, halla2 wheneve ri egt a job offer i start feeling guilty when i remember this sentence that you said more tha once ... 

thanks for being the girl i love .. and thanks for loving me back ... maybe our circumstances are net yet giving us the chance to express our true feelings we have towards eachother .. but i swear 7abibte .. just wait cuz i'm sure that one day we'll get more than we even expected ... and till that day .. u'll always be the most person i care for and the only girl in my life ... cant wait to see you again .. i miss u alot ..

FUCK AMERICA ow se3eta iza badda tkhallike tez3ale menne

love you 2ad el dene
Ali