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 To My Angel ....
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The last entry I added here was 778 days ago! 7ayete the only reason created this blog at first was to tell you things that I might not be able to say them to you directly. But you know, our relaction got much closer later .. and we were sharing almost everything with eachother .. so I really didnt think I need to write anything here since I can say it directly to you ..
After 778, it looks like we lots communication again .. and it seems that I will have to get back to using this blog, which I dont know if you still read or remember. I'l just use it as my diary ... and share my feelings from time to time..
take care .. I hope you are living a happy life, when you are happy .. there is a more possibility for me to be happy ... this is what true love is about .. when you think of the other more than yourself. To me, it's your happiness that matters not mine.
Love you loads baby ... |
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Posted by Ali Chehade at
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I know its not christmas anymore .. but what i know is that there is something that you wanted SOO MUCH, and there comes your hero 
You have mentioned many times the christmas charms watch infront of me, and i THINK that the first time you mentined it we were in the car going into the CityMall parking. But so badly we discovered that this watch hasnt been released in Lebanon, and maybe in the whole middle east, cuz its a special edition. Then after few weeks you asked Soad to check for it in Europe, and didnt find it there either. Those only made me decide that YOU HAVE TO GET IT .. the harder it is to get, the more pleasurable it will be to have it, and the bigger surprize it will be.
I started asking different swatch shops in Lebanon if they can get it, but they said that if the main company didnt order it, then they can no way get it, even through special request. I started checking every single website online that sells swatch, it was either not available, or out of stock, till I found one in a shop in the Netherlands (Holland) .. but what disappointed me so much is that they dont ship to Lebanon  .. but then I thought, come onnn ali .. this should be an obstacle ... so I thought of different options, and the best one was to get it though UAE, ya3ni it'll be delivered to my parents, and then they will send it to me, and i'll give it to you on our anniversarry .. and that's what happened, i ordered it. butttt ...
I ordered it .. but i never knew that when it arrives to the UAE .. i'll also be traveling there .. anyways .. this post is just about the watch, so i wont talk about other things. ANyways, I took it here .. and when i held it in my hands i felt like holding a TREASURE .. I was SOOOO excited to give it to you ... how ever so bad i was never able to give it to you hand in hand, i had to send it. Although we were broke up the time I sent it, however i decided to send it first because it's something that I ordered before we break up, and second because you always wanted it, and i thought that it should be with you no matter if we were together or not. But i also didnt expect that we'll be back together 2 days before you get it (on our anniversary) ..
When i first saw it .. as i told you i was so happy with it, but i didnt look so much on its details. Later on that night, i was about to fall asleep, however a sudden thought came to my mind, i thought that usually limited edition items are numbered, so I went to check if this watch has a number on it .. and i was so happy to know that my guess was right .. it was numbered, and the number was : 4330/4999 ..
ummm .. i then thought that this number should be special .. so i stayed thinking and thinking .. i thought of our special dates .. birthdays .. everything .. till i suddenly noticed that we have been together for 730 ydays .. and 4330 is (4+3 = 7 .. and 30 which makes 730 ) .. I was soo happy with that discovery .. lol .. and i thought this is the perfect number and a great sign that this gift was the perfect gift for our anniversary.
So 7ayete .. i hope that you really enjoyed having this watch .. and I hope that you will feel so special wearing it .. and beleive me you are .. cuz imagine there are only 4999 peices of it in the whole world .. and none of them were released in the middle east .. so basically you might be the only one owning it in the whole region .. just like the red guess that also wasnt released in here ...
bibi i really fool so happy and proud when i accoplish such a mission, a mission of making you feel special between all the people you know, and making you feel that you own things that no one else has, and on the top of this list, is our true love.
I promise you to make you always feel special, no matter what it takes
love you soo much
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Posted by Ali Chehade at
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2 years ... 24 months .. 730 days ...i donno if they are alot, i dunno if they felt slow or fast, all what i know is that they were filled with love .. and when I say love i mean the realistic meaning of the word, that has happy and sad moments, that has smiles and tears, and that has laughs and wounds. I dont think it would have been love if we werent facing problems .. i dont think it would hve been love if everything was going on smoothly .. i'm so happy that whatever happens between us, only proves that our love is true LOVE .. not fake feelings hidden under the 4 leters L O V E ..
I was reading what i wrote last year on this very same occasion .. and this paragraph caught my attention :
"Baby .. this is just our first anniversary ... maybe at some points i wasnt even sure that we will reach it .. but i'm so happy we did ... all what i can think about right now .. will we reach to our second anniversary together?? i really hope soooo ... "
Yes .. i always ask myself this question on every single special occasion .. on our birthdays .. on valentine ..on christmas .. on new year ... on our anniversarry ... will we be together next year like this time ... i'm glad that we were able to pass through this year .. although i think it was MUCH harder than the one before .... our relationship got much much deeper, we took many steps forward, which also created many stressfull moments, and I think you also passed through many periods of self-talk and of rethinking about our relastionship, and about your feelings towards me. I'm happy that we both were able to pass those tests ...
I reallu dont know if i have to repeat the same paragraph this year too ... yes .. at some points I was so afraid that we might not be together on this day .. and we were SOOO close to that ... I dont know what about our next anniversarry .. this time the question is bigger .. cuz there is a big chance of engagement, this time the question would be .. WHERE will we be in our relationship next anniversarry .. will we still be together? will we celebrate it as an engaged couple .. or will we still be the way we are ... no one can answer this question but time.
I dont know if I should expect an even harder third year, but let me think positively, if it was harder, it'll just be another chance for us to tighten our love and know how powerful it is, hard begginings are what make a person enjoy the endings much more.Whatever happens to us, all what i hope for our third year is to be a year of love .. a year of love growth .. a year to prove for us that we were made for each other ...
Of course i wont expect it to be a flawless year .. just like any perfect couple .. i'm sure we'll pass through some tense times .. but I really hope 7ayete that you will be able to deal with those times more maturely, if one day you were feeling so bad and needed to let out your anger, i hope you'll be aware that you shouldnt hurt our relationship .. maybe hurt me as a lat choice .. but not our relationship .. and our love. I hope u'll be able to have better control over yourself, i hope we'll get even closer and closer to eachother.
Remember 7ayete .. our third year will be SO DAMN SPECIAL ... we might get engaged, and you will most probably more to beirut and i might still be there if i had good work (hopefully) .. so many MAJOR changes will be happening in our relationship, and i hope they'll all be on the positive side.
I also hope for myself to be able to improve .. to be able to prove my true love to you more and more .. and to always stay up to your expectations. And that will only happen with your support.
As always 7ayete .. i promise to stay by your side every moment .. i promise not to brek your trust towards me. And i think that after 2 years .. you already know that my love to you only grows, it never shrinks .. and i promise you that it'll stay like that the comming year, and every other year in our life.
I promise to keep getting u nice and special gifts .. hehe .. and walla 7ayete all those girls I get you aren't for their money value, if its just to impress you i would just get you some gold or some diamonds. If you go back though most of the gifts i gave you, every one of them is special in its own way .. i never just you something just to flatter you, i get you special things to make you feel special. SO when i get you a gift, i would be showing you how much i love you not by showing you how much i payed for it .. but by showing you how hard i worked to express my love and get you a REALLY special gifts which takes much more than just money to get. They used to say "laban el 3asfour bjeblek ye" .. bas ana i'll be more realistic and promise you to get you whatever it takes to make you feel loved, and special.
Umm . .what else do i want in our third year ... oh yeah .. LOVE ... LOVE AND JUST MORE LOVE ! that's the most important thing which is keeping us together, and which is being able to fight every sigle obstacle that is trying to face us ..
SO 7ayete .. HAPPPYYYY ANNIIVEERRSAARYYY .. and cant wait to say that again after 365 more days ..
i adore you
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Posted by Ali Chehade at
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عندما تعشق شخص ذو شخصية رائعه وفريده من نوعها .. وفجأه وبين ليلة وضحاها
يتغير .. فتشتاق لعودة الشخص القديم الذي أحببته منذ القدم
فتدمع عينيك اشياقاً للشخصية التي تلاشت واختفت |
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Posted by Ali Chehade at
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WHy are you diong that to the person who loved you most among all the people whom you know .. and the person who loved you most among all the people he knows! I even loved you more than my family!
WHy r u doing that to the person who gave you all his life .. every moment of his life .. who is breating just for you, and who is doing everything in life just because of you!
WHy r u doing that to the person who gave you every moment of his thought, to the person who NEVER removed you from his mind not even for a second .. to the person who think of you first whenever he wants to share a happy or a sad moment. A person who loves you more than he loves himself, who cares for you more than he cares for himself. To a person who thinks 10 times before buying something for himself, but doesnt even five it a second thought when he wnats to get you any gift or make you any surprize. To a perosn who is working and trying his best just to make you happy, and to see you the best girl on earth ..
to the person who for the past two years, never said NO EVEN FOR ONCE that he hates you, or he doesnt love you. Whenever you faught, all what he said was " i'll love you forever".
WHy are you doing that to a person who NEVER even looked at another girls ... who never imagined his life without you, and never wanted to leave you alone for a day ...
to a person who stayed with you every single moment, who was there for you whenever you were happy and whenever you were sad .. to a person who never ran away when you were passing through hard times, to a person who calcels his work when he sees that you needed him by your side. To a person who spent 3 weeks visiting you every day and seeing you through a glass barrier! To a person who was never tiered of all that .. because he really loves you deep from his heart, and who is doing all this not to impress you, but because he feels them, and he feels that you are his soulmate .. or even more closer!
To a person who gave you the freedom and never controlled your life .. who never told you what to do and what not to do, he just gave you advises and was sure that you are trustworthy enough to do what's right and stay away from what's wrong ..
to the person who never left Lebanon because he hates being away from you, and h e doesnt want you to suffer from him being in another country .. to the person who thinks of what is best for you, and gives it more importance than what is best for him
To a person who NEVER asked for anything in return, other than love and care, because no one else cares about him!
Why are you doing that to a person whom you yourself say " you are a perfect lover, and any girl dreams to be with you" ... why are you contradicting yourself, if this person is perfect .. and any girl dreams of being with him .. why are you trying to lie on yourself and say that you dont love him after telling him for two years, and even just 1 day ago that you love his more than anything on earth, and that you cant live a moment with him? Were you lieing all that time? no you werent ! because you r not a lier! You are the most transparent person i ever met!
Does this person deserve that? Is that the consequence of true pure love?
I love you .. i'll still love you ... and I will always love you .. now, and always! And if you really decided not to be mine, be sure i'll still always be yours, you'll still be the girl I love, and i'll be waiting for you till the last day of my life.
And believe me .. i know 100% that you truly loved me .. that you truly love me .. and that you will always ltruly ove me, and only me.
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Posted by Ali Chehade at
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i know it has been more than a month since a wrote anything in here .. dunno why is that .. but I think its because i no more know what to write about ... i'm trying my best to tell you everything directly to you so i would be able to get your response to it directly ...i know that you always check the blog, and that it is really special to you .. just as it is really really special to me .. dont dont you also prefer saying things diretly ?
anyways .. akid i'll still write from time to time when I feel like saying certain things ... so keep checking .. hehe
mwaaaaaah .. love you ya 2amar (k)
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Posted by Ali Chehade at
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Today was the first live episode of Clash for Cash ... i have always been excited about that day for one reason .. for you to be happy for me, and to be proud of me. i'm extremely sad that this day came at a time where we r not talking to each other. Although i didnt get some good luck wishes from you (ma3 2enno i sent you 2 SMS) .. but i cant but say that i knew that you were wising me luck all the time .. because everything went great .. the episode was amazing, and everyone loved it .. and the people at NBN loved it soo much and they were so happy with the result .. and guess what .. they told us that we got 3 times more calls than the first episode of Al Forsa taba3 Tony khalife .. and we didnt even do any promotion for the program .... i'm happy cuz we did a good job .. but i'm really sad because now i know how it feels when i do somehting great and i dont have you to share it ... i dont have you to be happy for me .. i dont have you to hear the words, mabrook 7ayete .. ya3tik el 3afie 7abibi .. i swear to god its a very bitter feeling ... i can never be totally happy with anything i do if you werent beside me ... beofre the episode i was soo stressed .. not because of the episode .. not at all .. but because i was really feeling bad that i couldnt hear your voice or get an SMS from you .. i was feeling so bad .. so guilty .. so down ... i swear to got i was looking at my phone every 2 miuites to see if you sent me any SMS ... bas nothing I hate doing somehting good without you being with me .. because it will taste bitter ... i really hope that we'll get the chance to celebrate this in some other better time ... love you loads. . (k) |
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Posted by Ali Chehade at
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7ayete i want to be fair .. in the last post i was so negative .. i only talked about the bad things, the things that hurt me .. i might have made you feel like everything u do hurts me .. this is not true .. rahsa u did great and amazing things to me .. and i'm not someone who forgets good things .. bil3aks .. i'm someone who is ready to forget all the bad things as long as they dont keep happening again and again .. Rasha i know how much you love me .. and i know how much you trust me .. and i know that what you did to me you wouldnt have done it to any other guy. i know how special i am to you. And one of the nicest things you ever did was starting this relationship ... girls usually never start a relationship .. they always wait for the guy to take the first step .. but i'm sure that you trusted me so much to take that step by yourself  I always feel happy when you take me to visit your family members .. when you made me talk to your dad when he did an operation .. the same with your grandpa when he was at the hospital ... all those things tell me one thing, that you really trust me and that you love me, and that you want all your family to know about us, and to bless our relationship. ANd be sure that the happiness i get from you wanting your family to know about our relationship is MUCH MUCH stronger that the sadness from you not wanting the people to know about it. Do you remember when we were sitting in dunes and you told me "ma tkhaaaf ... ana 2elaaakkk ow bas" ? I know 3000% that you meant it from your heart .. and i really feel so good and safe whenever i remember it .. Remember when we were walking with ghazal in Hamra street and you told me " u know ali that you are the first guy whom mom lets me go out with" ... ya3ni hon ana 7asset 7ale badde teer ... cuz it really means a lot when parents trust their daughters partner When we went to jbeil .. it was amazingggggg .. i couldnt belive it when you told me .. lets do it .. without telling mom .. i really felt that you love me sooo much and that you are ready to do anything just to be with me ... Whenever u come to my room .. i know how much you love me .. because 7ayete i know you .. you are not a girl who would just go to a guys room keef ma ken .. i know innik ma bta3te wej lal shabeb ... bas heik when you came to my room .. i forgot that its my room .. i felt like its our heaven .. i imagined that this is our room in our future house ( akid mish 7a ykoon manzara heik  ) ... i was like WOOWW .. rasha is making me feel soo special and sooo loved by staying at my room .. she could have just told me la2 ma badde ... it just showed me how much you trust me more than any other person. This is not to mention men we made out on my bed for more than 30 minutes ... should i say that whenever i try to remember those moments, i even doubt if they were true or not? Whenever i remember them i think ... WOW WOW WOW .. Rasha really loves me from her heart .. and trusts me blindly to just come to my room .. lie on my bed .. and express her love to me physically. and be sure 7abibte i will never abouse this trust .. because it means a lot to me, and i never want to lose it .. because trust is one of the things that once lost ... it never comes back ... How can i also forget our day at Habtour ... how can I forget how you started talking about me and saying that i'm your fiance! This word was one of the best words i ever heard from you .. it is still echoing in my ears till today ... i can still hear you saying "khatibe" ... oh my god how it feels .. I still remember when we were sitting in Sanyoor Resturant in Kaslik .. and you were wearing the extremely sexy pink top I got you from the USA .. and you were telling me that you have many more sexy tops and u'll wear them only for me, not for anyone else ... at that time i felt like hugging u and kissing you and telling you .. thanks 7abibte for loving me this much ... and remember how diring that night you were always around my arms, or lying on my chest or on my shoulder .... all these moments mean alot to me, and they prove to me how much love you have for me deep inside your heart. Another thing that shows me how much you REALLY love me is how you dont mind eating anything after i bite it, or using my spoon. Especially that i remmeber you saying that youget really disgusted and you wouldnt even eat after your father ... halla2 akid if the two lovers french kiss .. then akid mish lezem ye2rafo Bas that means alotttttttt alott to me ... 7ayete remember when you asked me to get your book from printing? I directly thought .. come on .. rasha never showed me anything from her book .. and now she is asking me to get it from the printing. I dont know what were your intentions at that point .... it should have been one of two .. either you did that on purpose and you wanted me to take it and read it and feel special for being the first person to read it ... or you just trusted me alot and you couldnt imagine another person getting it other than me. i'm sure that both would make me feel VERY special ... but to me .. i took the second option .. i got your book ... i opened it .. i flipped the pages very fast just out of curiosity to see how it looks from inside .. then i closed it and kept it in my closet. I didnt want to lose the pleasure of reading it directly form the final book. And one more thing that means ALOT to me ... remember during the week of Jbeil's trip ... when you were at my room .. apparently you saved the password of your MSN on my computer .. i didnt notice it when you did it .. bas later on i was surprized that it was saved .. i thought you did it by mistake .. and when i told you about it .. you told me la2 3ade ... you did it on purpose ... a happiness pill wouldnt have made me as happy .. this was pure trust dripping from your words ... i really want you to know that this means a lot to me The birthday surprize you did to me in Nabatiyye was amazing .. i was really speechless infront of you love .. and i was VERY sure that if you had more time, and if we were closer to eachothe ryou would have done something much more special .. but i swear to god that it was very very special the way it was, especially with out very first french kiss ever ... this was the best gift i ever got .. and did you notice 7abibte that it's you who gave me the first kiss on the lips ? it was when we were in elida's car .. and it was you who started with our first french kiss .. in your car ( i wonder y its all in cars .. hehe ) .. but 7ayete this means a lot to me ... it means to me SOOOOO much when you take such steps .. whenever i remember them i feel how much you really love me, and you are ready to give me your soul .. not just your lips ... 7abibte those are just few of the MANYYY great things you did to me .. few of the MANY lovely moments you gave me .. i just want you to know that i will never forget them .. and i will NEVER forget how much special i am to you .. and how much trust and love you are giving me .. and i'm sure .. and i h ope that all this love will not disappear for meaningless reasons. People usually get really hurt when they lose their love for serious reasons, like difference in religions, living in different countries ... family problems ... keef iza they lose their love for meaningless reasons that can simply be solved by talking over things. I never want to live without your love ... cuz in that case i wouldnt even call myself LIVING! You might tell me .. Ali .. be realistic .. you lived 20 years without me ... halla2 jeye titfalsaf ... i tell you that people might live tens of years thinking that they r living fine, but when they try a better life, they know how miserable they were living ... you are like a drug .. that when i took it, i cant live without it anymore, but the difference is that drug addicts can get cured from drugs (after os of suffering) .. but be sure that YOU are my cure .. and that without u my life will be sick .. I'm so happy to notice that this post is longer than the previous one .. i love you so much ... and i need you just as much ..and i want you to notice how many of the things i mentioned about are small details that maybe you wont think that they make a difference to me .. but in fact they really do ... I'm sure no girl will ever doo all what i said above unless she really loves and trust her guy ... and a girl who does all this cannot one day come and say "sorry .. its true that i loved you .. but i discuvered that i am mistaken" ... you cant say that because people mistake by doing BAD things .. you never mistake by doing good things .. and you never mistake by expressing your love. I adore you my angel .. and i would never want to die without you being by my side and holding my hand. |
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Posted by Ali Chehade at
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Remember how many times you decided that you want to break up with me? And remember that ALL those times, the reason was never me? i'm sure you remember everything, because i know that you never felt good when you did them .. remember how in allthose times you hurt me with many things you said, and all what i used to say is how much i love you, and how much you mean to me ...
This time i am sad .. and i am mad because of things you did ... i'm not breaking up with you because something that is pissing me of in school .. i'm not breaking up with you because i feel depressed .. i'm doing that because you did something that hurt me ...
you are taking decisions without discussing them with me before hand ... you just take the decision .. and THEN say it to me .. weather i like it or not.
I'm telling you .. rasha .. yay next year maybe we can appear together 3al tv ... you go like .. la2 .. we wont ! I think . el3ama shu sar ... then you simply tell me : we wont get engaged .. no way! You took a major decision about our relationship without even discussing it with me before hand .. you just took it .. and THEN you told me ... ow law manne fete7 siret el TV u might not even told m e .. shu bi3arrefne ..
few days later .. i see you online .. ow all of a sudden : ali .. sorry but i removed the relationship from facebook. Again .. you take a decision .. you make it .. without even telling me before hand ... you DO it .. and then you tell me ... 3ajabje kana biha ... ma 3ajabne .. 2omro ma ye3jebne ... before doing this you could have told me : look ali .. lots of people in nabatiyye are now on facebook ow i dont want them yje22o .. can WE remove OUR relationship status from facebook ... walla I would have accepted ow 3ala 2albe mitl el 3asal. bas inti you took your own decision .. you removed it .. and then you tell me .. as if i'm a third party .. ow ma khasne bi hal relationship ...
and then you feel sad when i tell you " rasha im always afraid from you " .. you tell me "u should be .. and if you stay like that it really bothers me" ..
tab 7ayete keef baddek yene not to be afraid when relationship decisions are being taken by you without being discussed by both of us ..
how would YOU feel one day after we get married if I came home all of a sudden and told you .. " rasha .. hole wra2 el tala2 .. i'm done with them .. roo7e dabre rasek" .. i'm sure you'll feel so bad .. and u'll think that i'm not respecting our relationship ...
You didnt want to mention my name in your book .. fhemna .. you dont want us to appear together on TV and magazines fhemna ... youdont want people to see our relationship .. fhemna ... you dont want to get engaged so soon because you have lots of dreams .. fhemna (by the way ana kamen i have lots of dreams, and i cant yet understand how being together can stop these dreams from comming true) ... killon hole fhemnehon ... bas you sould know that those are A LOT to ask from a guy who would die for you .. and who wants every single person in the world to know that we are a couple ... killon hole bihoono when things are discussed before hand.
Ow yes .. Lovers dont need to be alike to love alike .. but they need to understand eachothers needs ... mish whenever u hurt me you'd go like : this is my personality i cant change it ...
Rasha .. how many times i said to you words yalli ana bkoon 3am bemza7 feehon .. but inti you get hurt .. and i stop saying them .. like ( syra bala fehem) ... inno if i stop saying it because u dont like it .. bkoon i'm losing me personality? You told me to stop biting my nails .. and i stopped .. bkoon losing my personality? I know that there are topics that you dont like to talk about .. i dont open them with you .. bkoon losing my personality?
What you want to apply on me .. kamen you should apply it to yourself .. you cant ask me to stop saying the words that bother you .. and still say everything that bothers me. this is not changing personality .. this is understanding your other half. . your lover. ya3ni iza inte didnt understand my needs .. ow iza ana didnt understand your needs ... then who will? Whenever u say that there is something that you dont like in me .. i try my best to change it to the better .. i'm not perfect, but i'm ready to work on myself to be as close to perfect as i can(akid i mean in your eyes)
i'm doing lots of mistakes .. i know that .. i just want you to understand my feelings and tsem7ini when i do those mistakes ... exactly like how i always understand you feelings and just step over things and let them pass as if nothing happened ...
and if we want to go back in the memory ... ana mish 7a 2ellek .. inti you know how many times u hurt me, and how many hurtful words and sentences you said to me ... starting with "aslan ana shu tole3le mennak" which you cried after saying it .. ending with "I used to love you .. but now i discovered that i dont"
i know i talked a lot .. and i hope that you will understand my feelings ... and i really hope that you wont get hurt because i'm reminding you of how you hurt me .. but dunno .. maybe at sometimes its good to remind you of them .. to prove the point that love is give and take .. mitil ma ana t7amaltek many times. . inte kamen baddek tet7ammaline when i do mistakes, and when i feel bad.
sorry for everything hurtful i did to you or said to you... and i'm not ashamed to say sorry .. and i hope that you can also face me with a sorry for all the hurtful things you did and said to me.
I love you SO much, and i really hope that everything will get better soon .. just be happy .. cuz i'm sure one day we'll reach mount everest ...
i adore you
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Posted by Ali Chehade at
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